First Ever Candy Review: Pop Rocks Candy Bar

This is a co-authored candy review of the slightly bizarre tasting/popping Pop Rocks Candy Bar.  When Blake and I saw them at Blockbuster, we just knew that these were definitely the first candy we had to review.  I had never even considered mixing pop rocks and chocolate, and let’s just say….there’s a reason for that…

Blake: Chances are you have heard of and tried Pop Rocks. And better chances are that you have never heard of this in bar form. It was an exciting find to say the least – I put it up there with the legendary day that, on a road trip to from College Station to Lubbock to watch a football game, I came across a small gas station in Post, TX where I first saw the manna called Nerds Rope. Actually, thinking about it, I tend to like re-invented combinations of classic candy…

Kristi:  …And I guess I don’t, because pop rocks/candy bar?  Kinda disgusting.  I think it’s mainly because I like to segregate my tastes.  For example, sea salt caramels made me want to die and then vomit and then die again.  Sea salt does not belong with chocolate.  Although to a lesser degree (like maybe I want to vomit only, no dying), that is also how I feel about pop rocks and chocolate.  Pop rocks belong in the sugar candy category.  Chocolate belongs in the chocolate candy category.  They are not meant to be smushed together in candy bar form.

B: For the record I hate sea salt candy as well. But sugar candy mixtures are glorious. I like to award creativity. And I guess it is at this point that I must put my disclaimer. I do not support things that can kill me. At least I try not to. You see, I have what Wilford Brimley calls “the dia-beet-tus” and would like to point out that for the purposes of this review, let’s assume that I used the wine-tasting method of sipping, masticating, and then spitting, without any swallowing. There, disclaiming done. Now on to the claiming…

K:   He did not do that.  He ate his half, don’t you worry.  Luckily he has a pancreas conveniently located outside of his body that he controls with a few pushes of a button (its his insulin pump, that statement was weird).  Anyways, as for the pop rocks candy bar.  It was definitely interesting.  I give it credit for having a ton of stuff going on in my mouth all at the same time.  While creamy chocolate melted on my tongue, there was some loud popping action on the roof of my mouth.  It was incongruous, but my mouth was confused, so that’s something.

B: Opening the wrapper, you first notice its uncanny resemblance to the Nestlé Crunch bar. That is, it is milk chocolate with some sort of unidentifiable bits throughout. If you just put this out at a party, my bet is that 100% of the people would pick it up expecting your typical Crunch bar, and then BOOM CITY… popping! It is because of this type of suprise that I am in favor of this candy bar. And even if you know it is coming, it is still a winner. I mean Pop Rocks? Yes please. Chocolate bar? Sure, why not. Do you want them together? My dear sir, that is not possible, but if it were I absolutely would trade by collection of Garbage Pail Kid cards for that tasty treat. Well hand over your prized Itchy Mitch and get ready for the ride of your life…

K:  Wow, Blake.  I would like to state for the record that one of my favorite candies (along with cotton candy and pez) is the pop rock.  I have a thing for texture.  I even invented a dessert you can make at the salad bar of Jason’s Deli called Texture Yum (Because that is what it is.  Textury and yummy).  Anyways, the pop rock does not lack in the texture department.  I mean, it is slightly painful, sitting there, just popping away on your tongue.  I especially like to try to swallow them before they pop and get them to pop in my belly (it never works).  I also like chocolate.  I don’t need to explain that one, because I am pretty sure most people (except for my weirdo excuse for a brother and his wife) like chocolate.  But like I mentioned before, chocolate and pop rocks just plain don’t equal.  I didn’t like it, and I give it a solid 1.5 stars (out of 5) only because after all the chocolate melts, you are left with little pop rocks, just merrily popping away.  And that is fun.  Any final thoughts, Blake?

B: The residual effect puts it over the top. My vote is 8 out of 10.

K: We need the same ranking system.

B: Ok. 4 out of 5.

So that’s our first candy review.  Believe who you want.  The diabetic who shouldn’t even be eating sugar, or the person who considers sugar her most important food group.  There will be more of these, but first we have to find some more confusing candy combinations.  I am pretty sure I saw some candy boogers (no lie) at Blockbuster last week, with a box proclaiming “Feels Like Actual Boogers!”, so, yeah.  Gross.