Candy Review #2: Marshmallow Burger & Fries

Not much was expected of these little packages. Its always a precarious situation when candy companies disguise a salty as a sweet.

For our second candy review, Blake and I managed to find the interesting and weird – candy burger and fries.  As you can see by the picture, the candy makers behind this genius invention went for authenticity – the fries even came with a little “ketchup” (And I LOVE ketchup!!  So I was double excited).

Blake: So the first review of the Pop Rocks Candy Bar, I was excited about. Pop Rocks. Chocolate. No brainer. But this one… I took one look at the “burger” wrapper and it stated it was “Strawberry Flavored!” Now I’m all for the weird, wacky ideas of marketing departments across the globe, but my enthusiasm ends at strawberry burger.

Kristi: I also have to admit – we have had these candy burger and fries sitting around our kitchen for quite some time due to the fact that neither of really wanted to try such a disgusting looking combination.  However, tonight was our night!  Blake even went through the effort of setting it all up on a plate, as if it was a real burger and fries (Except MUCH BETTER due to its overly delicious sugar content!)  We definitely hesitated when we first touched the marshmallow fries.  I was thinking it should be somewhat poufy, but it was more similar to the consistency of space icream (YUM!).  However, I was still excited to taste the candy fry due mainly to my affinty for all things marshmallow (I count peeps and s’mores amoung some of my favorite foods).

Little did my tongue know the deliciousness it was about to encounter!!!!! - Kristi

B: And. Gross. I wasn’t expecting much, and much wasn’t delivered. While taking every effort to mimic the real thing, they even went as far as to make the marshmallow fries crunchy. CRUNCHY. Now, this could have been due to them sitting in our kitchen for a while, but still. I will admit that the “ketchup” did enhance the flavor a little – in the essence that it actually gave it a flavor of some sort. But I still just barely go through my first – and only – fry.

K:  I LOVED it!  The ketchup was sour and yummy!  The marshmallow had an interesting texture (and we all now how I feel about interesting textures – it was similar to those orange marshmallow peanuts you get around Easter that I think my father and I are the only ones who eat.  And we eat a lot of them), and I ate three different fries before realizing that I still had to eat the candyburger (or canburger) and unfortunately at the age of 25, I am afraid that some of my belly’s protective coating that allowed me to be the sugaraholic I am for the first 24 years of my life has worn away.  I knew that if I ate all the candy fries my little heart desired, I would end up with an intense stomach ache and probably a new cavity.

B: It was exactly like those crappy little orange peanuts – only worse, which I didn’t think was possible. Sour and yummy? Try awful and dog poo. Anyways, I got it down. Then I took one long stare at the canburger in front of me, with its crackled texture, candy sesame seeds, burnt-brown meat patty, and strawberry flavor, and immediately thought I should fake an arm break (“Oh no! My arm broke!”). But never being one to back down from a challenge, a sucked it up, picked up that fluffy meat substitute and chomped down. And. Gross.

Consider this pre-barf. - Blake

K:  Orrrrrr delicious!  I didn’t know it was supposed to strawberry flavored, but now that I know that…double yum!  The little candy sesame seeds on top were crunchy and added a little bit of POP to an already delicious canburger!  While Blake grimaced and moaned through his bite, I mmm-ed and immediately went back for seconds.  I then dipped the canburger in my candy ketchup (canup!) and ate more.  (This is why my pants don’t fit me.)  I must admit, however, that I was a little worried about Blake’s blood sugar during this taste test.  These items were not for the diabetics of the group.  These canfires and canup and canburgers were made for the true sugar lovers…for those who munch on sugar cubes at any given opportunties (and aren’t horses) and have a healthy and pink pancreas located INSIDE of their body.

B: There’s no need to worry about my blood sugar, two small bites won’t do jack, especially if I throw it up (which is still a possibility). I can’t believe Kristi sat here and ate as much of this as she did. I don’t think I have anything else to say. Except. Gross.

K:  I give it a 4.5 out of 5…its not quite peeps or pez or cotton candy….but its way above average.

B: I give it a zero out of a million. It sucks average.

Well, that concludes candy review number two.  I had no idea Blake felt so negatively about such a delicious candy item.  I might have to rethink this “marraige” thing.  Apparently, we are not sugarly compatible (beyond the obvious diabetic/candyeater issue…he also LIKES pop rock candy bars and HATES canfries, cansup, and canburgers.  Who did I marry?)