Dallas to Houston
I had the pleasure to visit my brother and brother-in-law and associated wives in Houston this weekend. I have gone to visit Houston a few times in my life (or since David moved there…so approximately 2 years of my life), and I have to admit, it is beginning to grow on me. I used to think (and say loudly) that Houston was pretty much inferior to Dallas in all ways. I had no real reason for this opinion due to the fact that, before David moved there, I had visited Houston approximately one time (for an interview of all things). Mainly I liked to insult Houston for the sole reason of getting people all worked up and argue-y. I enjoy that because I am somewhat of a punk. Anyways. As I just mentioned, Houston has moved out of the “industrial dirty humid city” category of my mind to the “interesting huge humid city” category. As such, I thought I would go ahead and list (remember: I LOVE LISTS) some thoughts on visiting Houston…beginning with….
The Drive To Houston -
First of all. The drive from Dallas to Houston is just about the opposite of fun. It is long. You travel along the grand total of ONE highway for approximately 4 hours. And the other people making the same drive are certifiably the worst drivers who have ever driven on a road ever. HOWEVER. Thanks to my sister-in-laws pretty hilarious blog (she likes to poop at work and then accidentally drop her work badge into her poop and consider fishing it out…that is pretty much the definition of funny in my book), I discovered the amazingness of Buck-ees. This improved the drive from Dallas to Houston approximately 100 fold. To begin with, the owners of Buck-ees apparently decided to begin a mile by mile billboard countdown to Buck-ee’s 175 miles away. That means that there are about 100 billboards declaring things like: “Two words – Home-made Fudge! 175 miles this way!” This builds quite the suspense. Based on the overabundant billboards, I had three expectations of Buck-ees.
1) That they had the aforementioned home made fudge
2) Their bathrooms were very clean
3) And that they had free tastings of jerky
These were the overarching themes of the billboards, and my expectations were set appropriately. Between the signs, which became a source of joy for me at every mile marker, and Leigh’s blog – my excitement level could only be compared to that of a 5 year old child who was just given about 6 candy bars. AND IT WAS AWESOME. Due to my inability to be a normal human being, Blake and I spent about 50 dollars buying various fudge, jerky, t-shirts for Leigh, and apple 0′s. It was so fantastic, I am pretty sure that I just wrote 500 words about it. The only other redeeming factor of the otherwise mind numbing drive from Dallas to Houston, is the creepy GIGANTIC statue of Stephen F. Austin located right next to the highway in Huntsville. It is scary and ridiculous. Leigh also introduced a new phenomenon into my life in relation to this statue – she let me know over some beers that, every time she passes the statue, she can’t help but check to see if there is a giant size bulge on the statue or if it is essentially neutered. She wouldn’t let me tell you whether or not the statue had a clay penis, which meant that I spent the first hour driving back from Houston, looking out in the horizon for the statue, in order to answer the age old, penis? no penis? question.
Houston Restaurants
I am way too lazy to look up the statistic, but I am 99% sure that Houston is one of, if not the, fattest cities in America. There is good reason for this. Houston restaurants love to serve you lard covered lard. I mean, delicious lard covered lard, but I don’t think I ingested one vitamin in 2 days visiting Houston. Saturday’s brunch consisted of a calzone made with eggs and mozzarella cheese and sausage and Sunday’s brunch was basically made of various fried items piled on top of other fried items and covered in gravy. I ordered something called “Blue Cheese Fondue” on Friday night, only to be served french fries, doused in blue cheese, covered in bacon, and served with ranch. I would say that if Houston’s regional cooking style had to be summarized with one word…it would definitely have to be “fat.”
Houston is Gigantic
I am always amazed at the sheer size of Houston. I mean, Dallas is pretty big itself, but you know, there is another large-ish city located right next to it. Houston doesn’t have that excuse. In fact, Houston’s largest neighbor is the ocean, so that makes its gigantic-ness even more impressive..it can only grow in limited directions. My brother (David) and Blake’s brother (Austin) claim to live near each other. This is 100% not true. It is a good 15 minute drive from David’s apartment to Austin’s house. That is not “close by.” Actually, in my definition, that is “far away.” I rarely leave a 5 minute radius from my apartment in Dallas, so the idea of considering a 15 minute drive “close” is strange to me. I will say though, the good thing about the gigantor-ness of Houston, is the “pockets.” Generally speaking, there are cool areas all over Houston. Unlike Dallas, they aren’t concentrated in a few areas, and can be found just about anywhere you go. I like this, as I like discovering things. I should have been a scientist or a discover-er.
Comments
you cannot possibly love lists more than i!
i see we now have another buck-ees mark. i must find one of these joints. my interest is totally piqued.
15 min drive is long?! you’d kill yourself if you lived where we do. 15 min just to civilization. 25-30 min to anything remotely interesting.
Having been born in raised in Houston, and having come from a long line of Houstonians, I have to say this:
1. Buc-ees is AWESOME. Did you se the sign that says, “Anything that’s hurtful to beavers, we’re against!”? LOVE that sign.
2. 15 minutes anywhere in Houston is definitely close-by.
3. And I, much like your attitude towards Houston, have a totally unfounded bias against Dallas. It’s a Yankee city in a Southern state. But maybe that’s just me being a punk.
It was fun for all. I can’t believe you didn’t mention your favorite dish of the weekend, the stuffed French toast
1. It’s Buc-ees, not Buck-ees. The beavers get angry if you get their name wrong.
2. You didn’t mention the amazingness of a Buc-ees bathroom. I’ll assume you didn’t pee.
3. Did you try Beaver Nuggets? They are just about the most delicious sugary creation on the planet.
4. My favorite Buc-ees sign is “187 Miles till Buc-ees. You can hold it.”
5. The beef jerky. Siiigh. The breakfast burritos. The amazing selection of candy and choices of Slurpees. Swoon!
6. Houston is fabulous…and coming from a Dallas gal, this ain’t no small thang!
Thank you for blogging on a “sick day”! Loved it again and I will say that for over 30 years I have enjoyed my friends and family hating each others city as they keep tying to convince me who is better. It makes visiting more fun….but I guess I’ve missed the Buck-ees signs. You see I hate road signs the most!!!
On no. I peed. I felt like I had to, just to see if the bathrooms really were worth spending millions of dollars advertising how clean they were. I did all the things the billboards told me to – I bought fudge, jerky, and peed. I was not let down.
I like Houston. Not so much a fan of the big D. I have my reasons.
Thanks for a great weekend and the outsider insight into Houston! I’ve converted myself to a half-anorexic/half-vegetarian this week after our last weekend of lard gluttony. Still, I keep dreaming of cream cheese stuffed french toast and have told no less than 20 people about the amazing pile of fried-gravy-covered deliciousness that was our Sunday brunch. Oh, and the Bocce Ball! I haven’t found a good bier haus with bacce ball in Dallas either! Maybe I’ll have to visit soon to look for one (as an excuse to stop by buc-ees, of course!).
Regarding your bulging statue…
I have no idea from where, but I heard that the statue did originally have an impressive buldge…which offended people. So they had to sand? buff? (not sure what you do to stone) it down to a more appropriate size for interstate onlookers.
Talk about awkward for the guy hanging there doing that job!
Kristi, nicely done. Call me crazy though, but I actually don’t mind the Dallas-Houston drive. Now Dallas to Tulsa on the other hand, just imagine driving to Houston but being forced to stop in Ennis, Corsicana, Buffalo, Madisonville, and Hunstville, and then ending up in Oklahoma. It’s terrible.
Also, the one interesting thing I’ve learned from my real estate studies is that Houston is the only large city in the US without any zoning laws (might explain your “pocket” theory).
And I’m no Dallas apologist, but the commenter who called Dallas a “yankee city” I’m assuming has never been to the North. I’ve known a few yankees in my day and here’s their take, “Dallas and Houston both suck.”
(Also I think the statue in Hunstville is Sam Houston, but your point is completely valid… though I must admit I’ve never checked for statue bulge)
Oh yeah. I think you are right Mike. Knowing no Texas History, I kind of just lump all Texas historical figures together into one big Sam Stephen Davy F Houston Austin Crockett mash-up. But besides that, this post is full of mistakes. Sorry!!
Embarasssing…thanks. I wonder if there’s a Buc-ees on the way to Lake Leon (I think that’s the name).
“Sam Stephen Davy F Houston Austin Crockett” Awesome. That should be the name of an elementary school.
“Their take: Dallas and Houston both suck.” Well said, fictitious Northerner. We will never be able to compete until we have public transportation and we all live in 800 sq.ft. overprice apartments. I was going to comment (positively) on the Dallas/Yankee comment, but this overrode whatever I was going to say.
“Originally had an impressive bulge.” Sometimes that just happens over time…
“I have my reasons.” Do share.
“Fudge, Jerky, and Peed.” That has to be the first time those 3 things have ever been mentioned in the same list.
“Blake is awesome, he’s the best.” I agree, comment that I just made. Great comment.
[...] move anywhere else….even Houston was in the running…(Just kidding! I love Houston!! Remember??) However, last weekend, Blake and I had what can only be described as the perfect Dallas [...]