3rd Candy Review – Some Monstrosity Named “Zit Poppers”

Well, its been a while since the last candy review.  Blake and I have not only been collecting “interesting” looking candies on our own, but have been given different varieties by well-meaning family members and friends.  We have quite the stash of disgusting candies to look forward to trying, but this week we decided to brave the most disgusting of them all.

Everyone, I would like to introduce you to the most counter intuitive candy ever made.  Zit Poppers.

Nothing about this candy makes you want to try it.  The name.  The packaging.  It is all over disgusting.  But Blake and I did.  And here are the results:

Kristi:  First of all.  Let’s talk about how these bad boys look.  Just looking at them made me want to gag.  My brain knows they are made of sugar and therefore it follows that I should love them.  My heart cannot let go of the fact that some genius at Candy Inc. wanted to appeal to 13 year old boys and named them Zit Poppers.  And then designed the candy to look like a giant zit.  White bodied and red at the tip.  That folks, is hard to forget.

Blake: Kristi mentioned the packaging earlier. Apparently the creative geniuses behind this Halloween delight couldn’t decide on the best slogan, so they went with all of them. On the box it has “Plump & Ripe!” “These Are No Simple Pimples!” “AWFULeeeee Zitlicious!” and “Oozy, Sticky, Goo Filled Zit Gummies You Can Burst In Your Mouth!” and claims that it is made by Chef Ghoulicious’ Pantry of Candy. This supposed chef, while probably not up for a James Beard award any time soon, looks more like he was trained by the Garbage Pail Kids as opposed to Le Cordon Bleu. (Yes, that was yet another Garbage Pail Kids reference.) Either way, the candy looks like a sort of half-melted, gummier version of Dots. And I can’t wait.

Kristi: Of course Blake would be excited to try these.  He’s disgusting like that.  My only hope for this candy experiment was that the candies would somehow resemble Gushers, one of the all time best “fruit snacks” on the market.  My brother and I (mainly my brother) would eat cases of these growing up, and so, I am not completely new to the “candy bursting into sugary liquid inside of your mouth” genre.  So, I closed my eyes to ignore the appearance of a gigantic oozy zit and took a bite.

Blake: Man, I could go for some Gushers right now. Fruit AND Candy? Yes please. Anyways. My very first instinct with this candy was to squeeze it in hope that “oozy, sticky, goo” would come shooting out. Well, it got the oozy and sticky part right. It pretty much just squished in my fingers and got my them all sticky. Which is now making it difficult to type. The J key holds on to me after I hit it. Zit-likeness: thumb down. But maybe the taste can redeem it. After all, as the package reminded me, there are no simple pimples.

Kristi:  And, you know what?  It didn’t taste that disgusting.  Granted, it didn’t taste nearly as delicious as a Gusher, but as far as random sugar candies made by stupidly named candy companies?  Well, it was better than most.  The delicious “puss” filling was similar to the “ketchup” from our last candy experiment.  Sugary and sour.  The overall flavor, randomly enough, was that of watermelon.  Someone at Chef Ghoulicious’ Pantry of Candy apparently links zits with watermelon.  And now, so do I.

Blake: Watermelon zits?! What?! I want to try one! And that my friends, is how it spreads. These were pretty great. In fact, I tossed up a white flag to sticky-finger-ness and dove right back in. And they really are exactly like softer, gummier Dots, which I wish was the case for normal Dots. I can’t eat two of those things without having to make an appointment with the dentist to replace a filling. So I was pleasantly surprised by these Zip Poppers, and for what they lack in poppyness they make up for in gummy goodness.

Kristi: While less effusive than Blake, I also must say that these were rather tasty.  I mean, I definitely wouldn’t seek them out, but if I was eating a giant dinner and there was no dessert presented except these and maybe some sub-par dessert options like tiramisu or cannolis, I would go with the zit poppers.  That’s a solid endorsement right there.

Blake: I know, I know, tiramisu is delicious. Kristi is weird. And as for the zit poppers I give them 4 snow cones out of 5. They don’t beat the Pop Rocks candy bar, but crushed the marshmallow hamburger, hands down.

Blake: Apparently that is all. I am supposed to wrap this up and end it. Ummm…… [insert my new catch phrase]…. YOU’VE BEEN WRAPPED!