I Love Cake

Due to the proximity of my soul-draining cubicle to all the manager’s offices, I am often privy to conversation carried out (loudly) on speaker phone all around me.  Being insanely nosy, I typically tune into a number of different phone calls throughout the day.  Most of the time they are boring and annoying, but sometimes!  I find out all sorts of good office gossip/private information.  I rationalize myself by figuring that if the conversations really WERE private, they would actually shut their office door (a feature not offered to us cubicle dwellers) and/or actually pick up their phone receiver.  A lot of the time, the phone conversations taking place around me are between my (all male) managers and their children (of various ages).  These are my favorites due to the hilarious nature of children, and remind me of the many phone calls I used to make to my dad back in the day.  Today, after listening to one of my managers argue with his seven-year-old son about the possible whereabouts of his mother (Dad – “Where is your mom?”  Son – “She’s not home.”  Dad – “Did you EVEN look for her!”  Son “…No…Oh, here she is!”), I was reminded of a specific conversation between my dad’s assistant (known as a secretary back then) and myself.

It was my mom’s birthday.  I guess I was about 6-8 years old.  Being the perfect daughter that I am (and was), I for some unknown reason thought to call my dad and tell him to bring a cake home for mom’s birthday (actually, the reason is known – I wanted cake.)  However, when I dialed my dad’s office number, his secretary informed me that he was busy in meetings.  Being oh-so-mature, I left a message for my dad to purchase a cake on his way home for work and hung up the phone.  I sat there for a second and began to worry about exactly what kind of cake my dad was going to bring home.  Those of you who know me, know that I take cake VERY seriously.  I once threw a mini-tantrum at work when someone chose CARROT CAKE for cake-day (RIP.  Thanks, Recession.  Thanks a lot.) instead of the Kristi Suggested (and way more delicious) strawberry cake.  What if my dad brought home carrot cake or some other below average cake flavor?  What if he brought home WHITE SHEET CAKE!?  That’s the WORST flavor of cake ever created!!

So, I planned what I believed was the fail-safe solution.  I picked up the phone and called my dad’s secretary back.  I let her know that I needed to add something to my dad’s message.  After waiting for her to get the sheet ready, I added, “Also, Mom told me that she really wants chocolate cake with chocolate icing and neopolitan ice cream.”  Unfortunately, the scheming of a 6-year old is never quite as sneaky as the kid thinks it is.  Shirley (dad’s secretary) immediately called me out on my plan, “Kristi,” she asked me (patronizingly, although I didn’t know that word at the time), “Does your mom want chocolate cake or do you?”  Immediately embarrassed, I responded with a quick, “Yes!  That’s her favorite!  She loves chocolate!”  and hung up the phone without one more word.  I spent all day worried that my selfishness would be revealed and my dad would bring home a disgusting cake flavor.  BUT!  He brought home chocolate cake!  He even brought home the most delicious ice cream flavor, neopolitan!  However….I was never able to look Shirley in the eyes again.

A small trade-off.