Here Are The Reasons I Hate Wearing Heels

I have never liked wearing heels.  Even on my wedding day,  I had big plans for some comfortable tennis shoes or flats of some sort…although those plans were quickly thwarted through the combined efforts of my tailor and my mother.  After hearing that I was going to wear tennis shoes under my fancy wedding dress, the tailor exclaimed, “No! No! No!  You are short!  No!” and basically shamed me into picking out the tiniest heels I could find.  (This was the same tailor who, after seeing me in the dress before any alterations, frowned at the gaping material around my minuscule chest, before exclaiming, “Oh, we can fix that!” and grabbing what can only described as two pieces of raw chicken with which to stuff my bra.  It was awesome.)

So, in essence, me and heels?  Not friends.  More like enemies.  Here are the reasons:

1)  Heels hurt.  This is common knowledge, and people are usually all, “sometimes you have to suffer for beauty” but you know what?  I don’t really think this.  I don’t like to strap little torture devices to my feet in the name of beauty.
2)  I like being short.  People assume that I wish I was taller – this is not true.  I feel weird when people are shorter than me, and somewhat like a gigantor.  I don’t like this feeling.
3)  I can’t walk in heels.  I look like a little kid playing dress-up.  People make fun of me.  It is all around embarrasing.
4)  My feet are so tiny that heels make my legs kind of look like there is no end.  Like all I have is a stump with a tiny shoe attached to it.  Not really that cute.