Cinque Terra: One Better Than Cuatro Terra

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it Cinque Terra, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.

I’m sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don’t know what it means. I’ll be honest, I don’t think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.

No? Agree to disagree.

Cinque Terra (“The Five Lands”) are a series of five town on the Italian Riveria, and in my opinion, one of the best spots in Europe. Seriously, this place is incredible.

Our home terra

Kristi and I check into our 10-bed hostel room, which turns out to be a sweet little apartment that has 1 queen size bed in one room, and 2 twin beds in another (not to mention a full kitchen). One of the best surprises all trip. The owner told us to take the queen since we were married. Our roommates came in later in the night when we were asleep, but it didn’t bother us at all due to the layout of the place.

After check in, we head to one of the other Terras (the names of each town run together in my head; not really important anyways) just in time to watch the sunset on the beach, find a little dive by the beach, have a couple drinks, play some cards (sidenote: Apparently Kristi and I both have forgotten the exact rules for all two-person card games. What we have ended up playing all trip is a mixture of speed, slapjack, war, B.S., and gin. It works.), and find an awesome restaurant for dinner.

One of the things we have been looking forward to here is the food. It is top of the line, fresh sea food right out of the ocean, and at a reasonable price. Pretty much every meal included mussels of some sort, and if you know Kristi, she loves mussels.

We head back right after dinner to get a good nights rest, because the next day we take on the task of hiking the 7-mile trail that links all 5 towns.

Now you  may say, “Blake, you guys have been walking 6-9 miles every day for a month straight. 7 miles should be cake.” Which would be true, if it were flat sidewalk miles.

Beginning of trail

This trail started off easy enough, with a stroll down Via dell’Amore (“Lover’s Lane”) at dawn. The views were astounding. It makes you stop to sink it all in to realize that you are actually seeing this with your two little eye balls.

Then, at the 3rd town you see this little gem: 382 steps straight up to the town.

382 Steps of Fun

I had flashbacks of the infamous Grand Canyon incident on Spring Break ’03 (Mike, Brandon, Polk, Chuck – I’m looking at you chumps who almost killed me). But thankfully to Kristi gently nudging me into doing 2 half-marathons last year, I am a little better equipped to tackle this. But still.

View

After the 3 town, it makes you pull up your boot straps. Crazy vertical stairways. Trails 2 feet wide with drop-offs. Switchbacks. And crowded turns with German tourists with hiking sticks. (I always thought The Price Is Right was making it up with the yodeler on the Cliffhanger game. But no, that is how they hike.)

It really isn’t horrible, but it isn’t the stroll in the park I thought it would be. The views definitely make it worthwhile.

About 4 hours later, Kristi and I arrive at the final town, drenched in sweat and dirt, and ready to hit the beach.

View

View

View

End of trail

We take a train back to our hotel, get cleaned up and head straight back to the last town to get our beach on. A relaxing way to top of a day of strenuous hiking.

Pina Colada & cards by the beach

We take in a few waves, a few pina coladas, a few made-up card games, and then head across the street for dinner at a place we had read about in our guidebook.

The menu and the book both suggested we try the chef’s special “seafood platter,” that was said to be a meal for two. We should have known something was up when our waiter immediately brought out 4 plates, to us saying “Wow, that was fast” and his reply “Oh no. These are just the utensils.” Awesometown.

After 15 minutes or so, to the shock and awe of everyone in the restaurant – literally, the place went dead quiet and all eyes were on us – our waiter walks out struggling with a huge earthenware pot (I likened it to an alabaster jar), took of the lid, and slid out the contents…

The sea was angry that day, my friends – like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. Suddenly the great meal appeared before me. I tell you it was ten stories high if it was a foot. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.

In the enormous bowl in front of us laid:

1. One full lobster
2. One full octopus (head removed)
3. A dozen or so squids
4. Two giant fillets of munk fish
5. Giant crab claws
6. 5 or 6 giant prawns
7. Countless mussels
8. And the soup that it all was cooked in
9. Oh, and a basket of garlic bread. Like that was necessary.

Women fainted. Children cried. Men looked on in adoration as if at a homecoming ticker tape parade for war heroes.

This picture does not do it justice AT ALL.

Kristi and I looked at each other in astonishment, mouthing to each other “What the hell did we order???” But not ones to back down from a challenge – and a delicious one at that – we grabbed our utensils and started at it.

And it was DELICIOUS. Seriously. This wasn’t a “I’m just gonna throw crap in a pile and make it a spectacle” type dish. This was premium seafood to the last bite.

And, seriously, the entire way through people at all the table around us kept looking on in amazement, some stopping us to ask what in the world it was that we ordered.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

I was proud of us, all that was left were a few measly squid (which turns out neither of us are the biggest fans of), a prawn and a couple mussels. All in all, an amazing dinner experience.

Belly’s full, we roll our way to catch the 10-minute train back to our hotel and end the night watching Beowulf on my computer. (Don’t ask why I had it. But turns out it is semi-animated and not half bad at all. Also turns out Angelina Jolie is in it. Who knew.)

We get up early the next morning, not ready to leave the Eden that is Cinque Terra, but we have reservations in Rome. Which we are currently in, but I will leave those escapades up to Kristi’s story telling… all I can say is: hot.